On the rare occasions that I've visited a play or opera or symphony, I've noticed that I am a member of an ill-represented constituency at these sorts of events: the under-60 set. Tonight, I found myself in a similar situation.
A shul in my city hosted an event devoted to the issue of achdus in the Jewish community. Of the approximately 270,000 Jews who live in the city, about 25 showed up for the pretty well-publicized event. Of the 25 who attended, only three of us hadn't yet hit, or very nearly hit, our 50th birthday. (More on that later.) I understand that people are busy and that, baruch Hashem, there are many important lectures, events, etc. to attend, but I was slightly surprised that so few people came out for this particular event. Are people unconcerned about the issue of unity in a community that, in my opinion, has its fair share of conflicts? Perhaps the small turnout was due to the fact that one of the speakers is the rabbi of a very modern shul and the other is a woman. But does a person's discomfort with hearing thoughts from those he considers different from himself already indicate a problem? Should we be willing to listen to people who are different, especially on the topic of achdus?
How open-minded should we be? I say "we" in the very generic, royal sense--not referring to any specific group of people. I've heard the joke that it's good to be open-minded, but not so open that your brain falls out. How accepting we, as a community, should be was, in fact, part of the topic of discussion.
Achdus amongst different sects of Orthodox Jews. Achdus amongst Orthodox Jews and Conservative, Reconstructionist, Reform, and unaffiliated Jews. Achdus amongst Jews and intermarried Jews. Achdus amongst Jews and homosexual Jews. To what extent and in what ways should we be united? Should there be limits to Jewish unity? How and by whom should those limits be defined?
Tonight, I walked away from the discussion with very little clear in my mind, except one thing--I have to respect each person as an individual, regardless of his/her label, beliefs, or practices. Oh, and one more thing: the yad ha'yamin hamekareves is the tool of choice in relating to others.
But my question is this: what more is there to do as an individual, and what more is there to do as a community, to promote achdus and ahavas chinam?
Especially the underrepresented under-50 set, what do you think?
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
"It's just a highly carbonated, deliciously-flavored, superbly-concocted soft drink. It has its limitations."
2 comments:
I really like this post, DDP. Because you are brave enough to write about it. So many of us like to think that there's so much chessed in our communities--but we fail to see that even that chessed is biased. It's biased because we only give chessed to those who "deserve" our chessed. While it's perfectly legitimate to invite a non-frum Jew to your Shabbos table in order to introduce him to the light of Shabbos, it's not so easy to invite your more-modern friends from down the block.
But I think the problem runs deeper than nitpicking. I think the problem is (and I don't know if this is really my idea or I just think it is :-)) that as Orthodox Jews, we've become so involved with keeping ourselves as a "mamleches kohanim v'goy kadosh" that the mere intrepretations of this phrase can number a million. To some, this means that there's nothing wrong with an Aeropostale-screened shirt. To others, an Aeropostale shirt means that we have bought into the secular society we tried so hard to fight. To be honest, I've been on both sides of the issue (and let's just make it clear that I have nothing against Aeropostale, I just chose them as an example :-)). But clothing is just an example of the deeper issue.
I believe that the deeper issue is that we are so used to thinking that Yiddishkeit is the only way (as it is!) that we've come to intrepret that our version of Yiddishkeit is the only way. After all, the Torah doesn't actually say whether we can wear an Aeropostale shirt. And because there is so much room to intrepret the meaning of "mamleches kohanim v'goy kadosh," it's easy for us to pick one opinion and run with it.
So dear DDP, yasher kochachech on this post. I find it very important. For more publicity, I suggest you speak to Chana :-).
What bothers me is that people often talk about the preponderance of sinas chinam, but so many of us do nothing about it--myself included. We tell ourselves how much we do chessed in our communities, how we reach out to not-yet-frum Jews, but we fail to recognize that this chessed is selective. We are likely to think of the widows and orphans, the non-frum Jew living downtown, but not the "more Modern" Jew who maybe doesn't keep halacha the way we do. We say that they would be bad influences on our children. We say that they would resent us anyway (when you see the rivalry between chareidim and chilonim in E"Y, you will understand this statement better unfortunately). I think I'm guilty of this as well. "Can't they see that what they're doing is wrong?" I wonder to myself. And I know that this is me being intolerant, but I'm being honest too. And by the sounds of the seminar you went to about achdus, I'm not alone unfortunately.
But it works the other way around as well. The more modern among us look at the chareidim (I use this term to mean Ultra-Orthodox in this context) and say that they're too strict. Chilonim in Israel can't help but be affronted by the Charedim who refuse to look at them on the buses because they're dressed improperly. I used to think Meah Shearim was really cool for the signs they put up exclaiming the laws of tznius in bold print--and while I still kinda like the idea, I also see how painful it can be to Jews who don't understand.
So you see, there is no easy solution to achdus. I wish it were as simple as a single seminar--and perhaps in theory, it could be. I'm not saying that it's impossible, but I am saying it's not easy.
Now, this is something I try to do when I remember. I try to look for the good in each Jew I meet--that is, whether frum or not, kippah sruga or black hat. I try to look at the person as a person and not a label. As the Lubavitcher Rebbe once said, "Labels are for shirts, not people." In fact, one of the reasons I like Lubavitchers is because most of them, I believe, are able to look at non-frum Jews as people.
I really do think that's the key to sinas chinam: looking beyond the halachos that others keep or don't keep, looking beyond the head-covering or lack thereof, looking beyond whether they learn or work. I'm not saying it's easy--I have a long way to go myself, I'm not denying that. But I guess recognizing the path is a start as well.
Post a Comment